April 6, 2007

Shake it like a salt shaker

Filed under: I hate work — by chismosa @ 3:45 pm

There’s this janitor where I work and he’s, oh how do I put this gently….creepy.  Very, very creepy.  He has a salt and pepper beard and kinda reminds me of a Jim Henson muppet character.  He’s constantly singing and checking out the ass of every female that walks by him.  I hate it when he sings. Damn, didn’t anyone ever tell him that life is not meant to sing along to, it’s meant to drink to?  Ugh.  He sickens me.  Plus, he smells and is always drinking cola.  I hate people who drink cola.  He’s not my favorite person on the job.  But then again, who is?

March 28, 2007

How the hell do you get pregnant?

Filed under: Ramblings — by chismosa @ 8:05 pm

Now, I’m not that ignorant or naive.  I know perfectly well how a womyn gets pregnant.  You gotta have sex.  It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad sex, you just gotta have it.  Unlike most womyn and men, I also know exactly what needs to occur in a womyn’s body, particularly in her ovaries and uterus, to actually produce zygote. If you don’t get rid of the zygote, you end up with a nice 8lb baby in most cases.   

However, knowing what I know about how babies are made, I also am smart enough to know how to NOT make a baby.  I don’t know, somewhere down  the line I realized that condoms are actually a great idea!  I mean, hey, not only do I remain wart free, but I can also remain baby free.  Yay! 

 I was just on my MySpace (surprise, surprise) and was checking out my high school’s page.  High school brings up many horrific memories for me, but now that I am a mature 25 yr old, I like looking back to see how much better I am than most of the girls I went to school with.  And by better I mean I’m STD free, I’m not married or pregnant, I’m not fornicating, I’m not hooked to meth, I lived abroad for a year and I actually graduated from college in four years with two degrees.  Oh, and I also strongly recongnize Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and and Saviour.  What can I say, I’ve been redeemed.  I’m just being modest. 

 The disturbing thing about being on my school’s MySpace page is that half of the girls were either a.) knocked up or b.) were previously knocked up.  Now, I’m all for womyn’s reproductive rights but for crying out loud, if you can’t feed them, don’t fucking breed them.  How the hell did they get pregnant?  More importantly, WHY DID THEY GET PREGNANT?  With technology being so advanced, how can you have a slip?  Our freaking food is being genetically engineered and smart womyn are still ending up barefoot and pregnant.  Something isn’t right. 

Some might say that getting pregnant was those girls’ choice.  True, they each made the decision to keep their baby.  But why?  Out of obligation, fear, guilt?  You can’t tell me that half of those womyn were actually ready to be mothers.  Many of them probably gave up alot to be able to have the baby.  Even worse, many of them probably didn’t have much going on for them to begin with and then BAM, they have a baby.  What a wonderful life.

 I can’t fathom being pregnant.  I hyperventilate at the thought of even being pregnant.  Getting pregnant right now would probably be the worst thing that could possibly happen to me.  That’s why I do everything in my power to STAY BABY FREE.  Just ask my boyfriend. 

 Maybe one day I”ll have the privilege of bringing life into the world and being able to say, “Now I know what all those other girls were talking about.”  Maybe life will make sense the day I have a kid or maybe it’ll just turn even more upside down.  Until that day, I will remain zygote free. 

March 22, 2007

Like a virgin, blogging for the very first time…

Filed under: Ramblings — by chismosa @ 9:39 pm

So I gave in and created a blog.  I figured I needed another excuse to sit around and surf the internet at work and distract myself from MySpace and The Onion.  Let’s see how long this lasts. 

Hello world!

Filed under: Uncategorized — by chismosa @ 9:36 pm

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